Updates for August

It's been about a week since I last posted. There hasn't been much news.

I used to sing with the Philomusica choir (I've sung with choral groups, off and on [mostly on], since my teen years). This past May, I decided to stop after the concert. It was about 80% due to the fact that I couldn't learn the music (and singing is no fun for me if I feel like I haven't learned my part, or I'm not pulling my weight) and about 20% taking on too much responsibility... no, that's not true. Some unknown quantity of it is that I felt like I was putting a lot of effort into the group, and no matter what I did, it wasn't enough; I was still getting browbeaten for the music I couldn't learn and the stuff I couldn't do. It wasn't any fun any more - it hadn't been for over a month - so I stopped after the May concert.

I got a call from the conductor asking me to come back, and an email from a fellow singer asking the same (I'm starting to believe in conspiracy theories!) And, while I'm gratified, I'm sure that I would get the same feelings of being overwhelmed and underappreciated in a few months, or a year. Part of the problem is the rehearsal time; I'm an early-morning kind of guy (on this weekend day, I was up at 5:00 am) and the group rehearsals go until 10:00 pm, later than I usually go to bed. Part of it is my own undeniable hunger for acceptance, even adulation (I'm a sucker when people ask me to do stuff... "You're the best one for the job" and "You're the only one who can help me" are phrases I find hard to resist). I'll get asked to do something, and offer to do something else, and the next thing you know, I have fifty responsibilities, I'm dropping some of them, and not feeling appreciated for the ones I'm carrying on.

Besides, on Mondays I do my library thing, now.

Update 8/22/10: I got another email, from another member, asking me back. WTF?

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I'm re-thinking the SRAM Rival group I wrote about in the last post. I found a lower-quality derailleur that should do the job of the one I messed up; it's a $30 fix, and it's worth a try before I dump a lot of money into a whole new groupset. I can save about $80 by not buying the whole set (I don't need the brakes), but even so, if I can get the system working for another few years for a $30 investment, it's worth it - and it's even worth $30 to find out that it won't work (IF it won't work).

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My excellent wife (she really is the best thing in my life) is out working today and tomorrow at her weekend job, and she spent part of yesterday (normally a day off; she works a four-day-per-week schedule) cleaning up stuff at her main job in return for compensatory time (a poorer return, at 1:1, than overtime pay, at time-and-a-half). I feel guilty being such a lazy slug - but not guilty enough to actually do anything about it.

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Ride this morning around the Sourlands of NJ; many hills (including some tough uphills and some frightening downhills) and finished in about 3 hours after about 35 miles. We started early to beat the heat, and were done early. I felt like I needed some more miles, so I got on the hybrid and rode up to Kim's, my local bike shop, to buy a replacement chain, which will be a good idea when I install the derailleur (see supra; SRAM chains have a re-usable link to reinstall them, but I'm getting on towards 2000 miles on this chain, and I had to buy a new cassette after I didn't change the last one soon enough).

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One of my best work pals is taking a supervisory position in another county. She's young enough to be my daughter, and I feel all avuncular (go look it up, if you don't know what it means) towards her. She came to our last regional meeting this week, and I got a big hug before she left. And allergies... yeah, it was allergies that caused that tear in my eye; nothing else. She's getting married soon, and I'm wishing that all her apparent good luck continues as good luck.

I wish you the same. And I'll try to post a bit more regularly. (Not that anybody is actually reading this stuff...)