after thanksgiving

So the excellent wife and I are back from our Thanksgiving visit to Asheville, NC, where my parents have retired. My father was diagnosed with leukemia less than a month ago, and he's deteriorated rapidly; when we first saw him on Tuesday, he had lost weight and was barely eating, was not grooming, and this author of children's books and mystery stories was barely able to speak, probably due to brain hypoxia. During the several days we were there, he deteriorated further, to the point where he could barely dress himself and slept most of the time. He's soon to turn 81; my 81-year-old mother is scared.

On Wednesday, he had a treatment and a transfusion, and came back and went immediately to bed. On Thanksgiving, we were able to do Christmas presents (we do them because we are all together) and he could eat something, but then he went to bed.

He spent all of Black Friday in bed. During a visit with my mother there on Friday, we went in to see him, and found him on the floor next to the bed, unable to speak and with a terrified look on his face. My brother-in-law (my sister and he had arrived the day before) and I got him back into bed, and my mother called the doctor. My sister works in a medical office and has had some nursing training; my wife has worked in adult protective services; they were able to coach my mother on what to say to the doctor. By 9:00 pm, we had gotten him into the hospital.

My wife and I came home the next day (yesterday). I called twice yesterday; mother told me he's able to speak now, and the treatment plan is being changed to a less aggressive one. But she knows that he'll never be the same. He may need nursing home care. Initially, I thought he'd never come out of the hospital, but I no longer think that's the case.

After avoiding discussing the situation up to now, he finally told the doctor that he does not want extraordinary measures used to prolong his life. My mother may talk to him about doing the Five Wishes document, a living will/durable power of attorney questionnaire that's among the most useful and easiest to understand that I've seen (you can download the document from the "Preview a Sample..." link on that page; it says sample, but it's the whole document my mother showed to me; it can also, apparently, be completed online, except for the original signature, witness signatures, and notary, if your state requires one). She may talk to him about completing that, if the right moment presents itself.

While I'm not in tears over him, I noticed that I'm stressed and easily moved to tears by other stuff (an acquaintance forwarded a link to this video, which had me weepin' into my coffee this morning). I'm having a hard time feeling thankful.

I'm off to do a ride this morning. I need it.