not ready to write an obit

 My mother-in-law died yesterday.

This post will not be enough to serve as an obituary, but I wanted to write some of my feelings about her and about her passing.

I frequently referred to Danuta Baginska Brzek (whom I called Babci, as her grandchildren did) as The Excellent Mother-In-Law, on the model of referring to my wife as The Excellent Wife (TEW). But Babci was excellent to me in her own right.

I used to joke that part of the reason that she and I got along so well was that there was only enough common language between us for each to be polite to the other, but that's not really true, and doesn't tell much of the story. Babci always seemed happy to see me. I think she knew that TEW and I got along well, and that her daughter was generally happy with me, and that made Babci happy. She also liked that I would share with her what little of my life I could do, given the language barrier (like most Americans, I have only one language; Babci was fluent in Polish and could make herself understood in English until a stroke took much of that latter capability from her).

I make no secret of the fact that my relationship with my family of origin was problematic. That never seems to have been the case with Babci; she always treated me with positive regard. When my wife would jokingly complain to her about some mistreatment I had allegedly perpetrated, Babci's response to her was often, "So what did YOU do first?".

Babci loved it that we were able to go on foreign vacations. She loved it when we would get dressed up for Christmas and Easter, and as time went on, I would dress up a bit every time I planned to see her. She was grateful for the little chores and maintenance tasks I'd perform around her house, and (as is common with Polish hospitality), would make sure I was fed, sometimes to the point of immobility.

Babci was always a happy face and always made me welcome, as few people to whom I am related have done.

I've not spoken about her experiences as a child in a labor camp during the second World War. I've  not spoken about how she and her husband sent all four of their daughters to college. Or how, with (at most) a sixth-grade education between them, they wound up with several houses, even giving one away to a nephew when he came of age. I suppose her real obituary will include that stuff. That's not what this post is.

I will miss her.