swift: when I come to be old

I was stumbling around the internet at oh-dark:30 this morning, when I came across a post from a site called Lists of Note; I went to the main site, which is a store of riches. Here's one from Dean Jonathan Swift (the site credits him with Gulliver's Travels, but my first thought of him is always A Modest Proposal), cautioning him of what to do and avoid in order to age gracefully. It's headed, When I come to be old:

Not to marry a young Woman.
Not to keep young Company unless they reely desire it.
Not to be peevish or morose, or suspicious.
Not to scorn present Ways, or Wits, or Fashions, or Men, or War, &c.
Not to be fond of Children, or let them come near me hardly.
Not to tell the same story over and over to the same People.
Not to be covetous.
Not to neglect decency, or cleenlyness, for fear of falling into Nastyness.
Not to be over severe with young People, but give Allowances for their youthfull follyes and weaknesses.
Not to be influenced by, or give ear to knavish tatling servants, or others.
Not to be too free of advise, nor trouble any but those that desire it.
To desire some good Friends to inform me wch of these Resolutions I break, or neglect, and wherein; and reform accordingly.
Not to talk much, nor of my self.
Not to boast of my former beauty, or strength, or favor with Ladyes, &c.
Not to hearken to Flatteryes, nor conceive I can be beloved by a young woman, et eos qui hereditatem captant, odisse ac vitare.
Not to be positive or opiniative.
Not to sett up for observing all these Rules; for fear I should observe none.

The Latin in that third-to-last one means roughly, "...and to avoid and despise those who seek to entrap and inherit", probably an imprecation against gold-diggers.

I can't "boast of my former beauty, or strength, or favor with Ladyes, &c", because, frankly, that's a fiction that I simply couldn't sustain even to the end of the single sentence!

My favorite part is that it was dated 1699, when the good Dean was 32 years old. They are goals to which I could aspire now, at near twice that age (although, despite my pretended curmudgeonliness, I do have a fondness for children... but, most of the time, I would rather eat worms than admit it).