Friday, April 22, 2011

more than you probably wanted to know about a colonoscopy

It's about a quarter to midnight on the day of the colonoscopy; people who know me IRL will know it's way past my bedtime, and I have been asleep (and hope to get back), but I've just woken up and I wanted to get a few reflections on the procedure down.

I had a call for 8:00 am; we got there about 7:40 and did the check-in stuff. I was taken to a pre-op booth, not unlike an emergency-room booth: 3/4 of a room with a curtain providing privacy for the rest. Undress so that the nurse can take my clothes and stuff to the lockers (the only thing I was left of my own was my glasses, for the signing of releases), sign a few releases with the nurse, get an IV drip of saline-plus-electrolytes started (for the easy administration of anaesthetic later), and wait. She tells me that I won't be released until I pas gas, and we joke a bit about how it's an important part of the process that I fart. Then I wait. More. It was something-to-ten before the surgical nurse came around, then an anaesthetist, both with releases, and it was a few minutes after ten before the anaesthesiologist came, with another release, and got me into the colonoscopy room with the GI doc, who had me sign another release.

Then things happened quickly: get on the gurney, lie on your side (no, the other left side); get some electrodes put on (gee, that on the monitor must be the video from the colonoscopy device; I can see the distorted image of the room, and it's moving like it's remote-controlled); watch the anaesthesiologist inject something into my IV feed; am I supposed to count or something? One, two three... no isn't it backwards from 100? 100, 99, 98, 97... I get to 80 or so before I figure out that that's probably not what's going to happen, and I'm a little worried that I'll still be conscious when the probing starts.

And the next thing I know, I'm waking up in recovery with my wife on the chair next to my gurney (she is wonderful; most of why I haven't been a total basket case about this procedure is due to her). I was told I passed gas adequately while I was still asleep, but I had abdominal pain for the next few hours, until I got home and was able to release the gas several more times. Before that happened, however, we got to IHOP for a late breakfast/early lunch (I was done and out and to the restaurant before 11:30, not having eaten anything solid for a day-and-a-half), then home. Regina, my excellent wife, went in to work for a few hours... and I got woozier and weaker as the day went on, although I didn't have a nap. Some solid food helped (but not much), and I had a bit more diarrhea (lingering effect of the pre-op routine, I'm sure; see previous post). I had some dinner at the usual time, but I haven't really felt better until now, with a couple more hours sleep, and I'll probably go back to sleep soon. I don't know if I'm up to a bike ride tomorrow; we'll see in the morning (I note there are more typo's than usual in my raw draft of this post).

Thankfully, I have not had drug cravings, which was a major concern of mine about the anaesthetic. I'd heard stories that benzodiazepines were used in this procedure, and one of my pet fears is that I will relapse on them (does everybody know I'm a person in recovery from substance use? Perhaps I'll post on that some day... but the short answer is: last use February of 1982). I think that part of the reason for no cravings or obsessions is the "fast asleep" nature of my anaesthesia... but discussion with my excellent wife suggests that it's also because I have a healthy respect for the damage the drugs will do if I ever go back.

Hrm. I didn't think I'd go on so about the colonoscopy, but there above you see it. No wonder we old guys can get to be total bores about surgery. (And yes, I really did intend to spell "anaesthetist" and "anaesthesiologist" that way; I got one of the last classical educations available in the Northeastern United States, and every now and then I have to show it off.)

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